“To me, boxing is
like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit
each other.”
“Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The
flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has
little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like
ambition.”
"I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a
plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash
stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go,
"What was THAT?!"
“Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral,
which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws,
can make a child look like a reindeer.”
"If you're a circus clown, and you have a dog that you use
in your act, I don't think it's a good idea to also dress the dog up like a
clown, because people see that and they think, "Forgive me, but that's
just too much."
"If you define
cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger, screaming and tripping
and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I guess I'm a coward."
"If trees could
scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they
screamed all the time, for no good reason. "
"Maybe in order to
understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind".
Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and
"ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so
is mankind."
-Jack Handy
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