John Bytheway marriage allegory


‘Imagine yourself sitting at the keys of a magnificent grand piano. The lights in the room reflect brightly on the highly polished surface of the ebony stained wood. You’re comfortably situated in a large banquet room filled with people. The music before you is clearly labeled “Matrimony; A Duet.” Throughout the evening dinner guests approach the piano and with a puzzled look say, “hey, why don’t you play that music?”

“I’d like to,” you respond, “but it’s a duet, I need somebody to sit here and play it with me.” “Well, you’re not trying hard enough,” they mutter as they wander off. You wonder to yourself if you could possibly play all the notes the music requires with only ten fingers. A moment later someone else notices you sitting all alone and says, “Hey, how come you’re not playing that piece?” You can’t understand why they haven’t noticed that the music clearly calls for another pianist but you politely answer, “Well, I’d like to play this song, I really would, but someone has to chose to sit beside me and play it with me. I can’t play alone.”

“Oh well, you could play if you had more faith!” They remark as they walk away.  More faith, you wonder? Could having more faith give me two more hands? You’re no longer surprised when a third observer walks up and asks, “Aren’t you gonna play that piece?”

“Oh, I’d really like to,” you respond, “and I know I should, and I’m sure the music is beautiful, but someone else who has agency, like I do, has to voluntarily sit beside me and play.”

“Well, I think you’re just being too picky.” They advise as they leave….’ ...When it comes to matrimony someone else has to voluntarily join you and having more faith, trying harder, and being less choosey cannot effect someone else’s agency."
 
-John Bytheway

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