jokes

Simba's dad died because he couldn't Mufasa nuff!

Why do girls wear make-up and purfume?
-cuz they're ugly and they stink

What do men and mascara have in common?
- they both run at the first signs of emotion

Teach a man to build a fire and he'll be warm for a while, but set a man on fire and he'll be warm the rest of his life.

"Shirlock and Watson go camping. Shirlock wakes up Watson and says look at the sky, the stars, the moon. What does this mean? Watson goes- yes, they are beautiful, there are so many stars, the moon is bright- it makes us feel so small. Shirlock, goes - no you idiot, it means someone stole our tent!"

A Short Love Story
A man and women who had never met before, and were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping quarters on a transcontinental train.
Tho initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, there were both very tired and fell asleep quickly- he in the upper bunk and her in the lower.
At 1am the man leans down and gently wakes the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket, I'm awfully cold."
"I have a better idea," she replied, "just for tonight, let's pretend we're married."
"Wow, that's a great idea," He exclaimed.
"Good," She replied, "Get your own dang blanket!"
After a moment of silence, he farted.
The end